Never understand when someone says, “cats are snobby.” Like dogs are constantly inviting you & the kids over for burgers & a swim?

What so you call a religious dinosaur? A prayeradactyl.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the gay guys house. (awkward silence) knock knock. (who’s there?) The chicken. Feel free to try on your friends, its a good laugh.

Hope there is a particularly fiery spot in hell for anyone capable of losing a dog in an enclosed dog park.

Microsoft just announced they are changing the name of Xbox’s Premier Multiplayer Service from Xbox Live to Xbox Dead…

your mama so fat she was going to walmart tripped over kmart and landed right on target!!!

It doesn’t matter if you’re black or white. Unless my wife just gave birth to you.

Prince Charming: I will awaken her with love’s sweet ki– Sleeping Beauty: five more minutes

What do you call a psychic who simply doesn’t care? Telapathy

The year is 2543. Beyblades are a form of currency. Everyone speaks in emoji. President Woof outlaws all cats. Madonna releases a new single