Why did Beethoven never answer the doorbell? They weren’t invented yet.

You hear the joke about the frenzied mob? It’s a riot.

Me: *Buys nutribullet* will this baby take down a vegan? Cashier: No, it’s not an actual bu… Me: *loads nutrigun* Cashier: What the heck?

Are you Finished? [X-post from Funny] Its a joke/comic thing. This is it–> http://imgur.com/GskWG

Did you hear about the production delays at that company that makes scales using lengthy pipes? They had really long weights.

What’s the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? [NSFW] You don’t pay $200 to have a garbanzo on your face

a dude sitting next to me in the ER asked how to spell ankle & then correctly identified Rush Hour by a scene without jchan or chris tucker

I’m in the middle of hanging myself. The suspense is killing me.

How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? They don’t, they just shoot the room for being black. I guess you could say that was dark humor? 😉

I still believe in love. But I also believe in sasquatch, nessy, and that I could win the lottery. So there’s that….