I was on a date. “How many ladies have you slept with?” she said. I said, “Do you want me to round it to the nearest 10?” She raised her eyebrows and said, “OK…” I said, “Zero.”

Making the arrangements for my wife’s funeral is tough She keeps asking what I’m doing

A boycott is just a smaller version of a manbed.

What game do old black people play? Blingo!

What’s the difference between a feminist and a dentist’s drill? One causes a lot of pain and makes a constant high pitched whine. The other is a useful piece of medical equipment.

Today my boss will learn that I am nowhere near mature enough to be left alone with a label maker.

I could be subtweeting my cat for all you know. Calm down.

A Stormtrooper went golfing today He’s still on the first hole.

If Tom Brady joined Nickelback… They’d become 30 cents.

What beer does Sean Connery drink? Grols