i once heard that in the old days, you received a last name based on your profession. if so, what the hell was John Hancock’s career?

If he can’t build a wall, Trump is going to dig a giant hole at the border and cover it with a welcome mat like it’s a Road Runner cartoon.

What happened to the trapeze artist that did drugs on the job? He got suspended.

Why is milk so fast? Because it’s pasteurized before you see it!

Most of being a parent means saying “Great!!” when your kid insists you watch him perform an unidentifiable skill.

I am holding a pre-mature ejaculation club meeting next week Needless to say, You need to come early

What do reindeer say before telling you a joke ? This one will sleigh you !

Two Fish there was two fish in a tank and one of the fish said do you know how to drive this thing BECAUSE THE FISH ARE DRIVEING THE TANK IN A WAR

I’m 49 and my girlfriend is 5 months pregnant! What do you guys think we should do?

Is this the real life? Are you a manatee? Let’s beat up french fries I should lay off the LSD