Me: So, you come here often? Him: …..we’re in my house.

What do you call a virus that affects the command line? Terminal Illness

My Wife made me choose between her, and my Love of Pointing out Doors “If you want to leave” I told her, “There’s the Door”

What did the spy say at the glass beach? *The coast is clear*

What kind of robbery is not dangerous? A safe robbery.

At my house, it is customary for you to go back to yours as soon as possible.

I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve visited Chernobyl… it’s 14

Quitting smoking is really easy… I’ve done it like 100 times already

I named my eraser Confidence… Because it gets smaller after every mistake I make.

Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m looking at a captcha or a text from my mom.