What’s the difference between a piano, a tuna fish, and a pot of glue? You can tuna piano, but you can’t piano tuna. … What about the pot of glue? I knew you’d get stuck.

Did you hear about the guy that shits out jars? He’s a real glasshole, that guy

I was walking in the desert and saw a redwood tree. I knew this must be a mirage, so I ran into it. To my dismay, the tree and I collided. I guess it must have been an obstacle illusion.

To spice things up in the bedroom, I have my wife dress up as a pizza boy. Then, I have her put the pizza on the counter and then leave.

Good thing girls started uploading pictures next to a pool with the caption “Summer is finally here!” or we wouldn’t have known it’s summer.

What do dyslexic Koreans eat? Gods

What type of train gets fat? A chew chew train…

This generation sucks but does it swallow

When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive.

What do you call a 13 year old girl from Kentucky who can run faster than her six brothers? A virgin