Why couldn’t the boy keep his documents open when he left a window open in winter? Because it was too Win+D

My friend peed on the floor so he can come into my room. I looked over at him and told him “You’re in”

After 10 missed calls in a row, I’m tempted to answer the phone just so I can find out who wants to be murdered.

What’s the deal with Drake, first he was an actor now a rapper? Must have been all degrassi was smoking. I’ll let myself out.

I have a joke about couches But it’s sofa-cking terrible. You don’t want to hear it.

Have you ever smelled moth balls? Yes? How’d you get their little legs apart? (Courtesy of my dad. Who laughed about this for 30 minutes.)

I can’t believe that those two are still together after all that shit…

Tater Tots is a much better name than the original Crispy Potato Embryos.

Me: Take this My Uber passenger: *holds gun in blood soaked car* WTF JUS HAPPENED? Me: You tell me “Mr Finger prints on a murder weapon”

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles