If I win this lottery I’d give half to charity She treated me well at the strip club

Have you seen www.quasimodo.com? I’m not sure but certainly rings a bell.

Why was the cat afraid of the tree? Because of the tree bark.

Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? I still have to get up and take the disc out. It’s like having a remote to open the fridge.

Let’s make fake tan orange people an official race so we can discriminate against them properly.

A barbed-wire tattoo on my arm keeps my arm horses from running away

Spider: Why don’t you like us? Most us are harmless and we kill all the bugs in your house? We just want to help Humans: EW EW EW EW OMG

What do you call a handful of gravel A palm-o-granite!

[interview] Your resume says you have a “take no prisoners attitude”. You know you are applying to be a corrections officer, right?

A Latino shot an unarmed black man today, and everyone is in an uproar Especially the police, saying “They took our jobs!”