What’s the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? [NSFW] I wouldn’t pay five hundred dollars to have a lentil on my face.

I’m Winston Wolf, I fix problems. So I hear you’re having a bad hair day.

How many egoists does it take to change a lightbulb? One. They simply hold the bulb and wait for the world to revolve around them.

My necrophiliac girlfriend told me I was dead to her. That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.

How do mathematicians count x-men? Permutations.

What do you call a nun sleep walking? A roamin’ Catholic

Tom Cruise Jokes, Anyone?

What did one deer say to the other after leaving the bar? I can’t believe you just blew 50 bucks in there

I don’t care if you don’t like space puns. I like space puns. Comet me bro.

*LIGHTHOUSE* BATMAN – You call? L/HOUSE KEEPER – Shit, not again man. I am so sorry. BATMAN – Dead seagull on the light? LK -*Nods*