Why does Michael J. Fox make the best milkshakes? Because he uses the finest ingredients, *asshole*.

If a white person eats a dessert and no one is around to Instagram it, did it even happen?

Whats the number one reason for Pedophilia? Sexy children.

[mouse plane] mouse pilot: hello folks, this is your captain squeaking- *mouse passengers squeal with delight*

Why aren’t any atheists buying a PS4 Pro? They don’t believe in higher power.

Confession: I’m the one who’s been posting all those idiotic comments on youtube using millions of anonymous accounts.

What do you call a dumb nerd? A geek.

Even the best men in the Chinese military Have chinks in their armor

My girlfriend called me a pedophile. I said, “Wow, that’s a pretty big word for a eight year old.”

My life would be a lot easier if when shopping online there was a “Sort by least ugly” option.