My penis is so polite….. …..it stands up to give ladies a place to sit down.

Cleaning out the garage, I found some things I didn’t even realize I had. Like a tent, a new printer, and a fourth kid.

I said to my dyslexic mate, “Guess which band has split up?” He said, “Erm…”

What do you call a powerful, asshole-ish potato? A dick-tater.

A man walks into a bar… He asks the barman “do you serve women here?” The barman replies “no, sorry, you’ll have to bring your own.”

“Only a good guy with a forest fire can prevent forest fires” – Smokey the NRA Bear

Racism is a subjective matter there are no black and white solutions

My condolences for you and your family through this difficult transition is why my wife won’t let me send back wedding RSVP cards.

After my surgery, the doctor told me I have to pee sitting down. He told me not to lift anything that weighs more than 10 pounds.

Why did the little Dutch boy have to register as a sex offender? He kept on sticking his finger in a tyke.