The best part of the birthday notifier on Facebook is, I meet people that I didn’t even know were on my friends list.

What is the longest word in the feminist dictionary? Antidickstablishmentarianism.

reckon the clouds look down and say, ”look! that one is shaped like an idiot?”

What’s the Boogeyman’s part-time job? BoogeyNAN!

This year for Christmas.. This year for Christmas I got a new shirt and piece of ass from my wife. Figures, they were both too big!!

Why did the English majors switch to Spanish? (OC) Too many persuasive esses.

What game do two strangers with Social Anxiety play? Don’t Break the Ice

Simon: I wrote a song Garfunkel: *reads lyrics* Garfunkel: “I am a rock. I am an island” dude I’m like right here. I thought we were friends

So I asked this swiss dude to tell me something good about living in Switzerland. “Well” he said “the flag is a big plus!”

Apple CEO announces he’s gay. Samsung CEO announces he’s more gay and water resistant.