Two Scotsmen walk past a baker One turns to the other and says ‘Is that a cake or a meringue?’ The other replies ‘no you’re right, it’s a cake’

If you want to relate to how old people probably feel just imagine that a bowl of soup cost $40 and everybody else acted like that was fine.

If looks could kill, I’d still use a baseball bat.

Whenever I put on my Ocean Pacific (op) pants I feel I must say something meaningful.

What kind of pizzas can tell the future? Medium Pizzas

For a very short period of time, you were the youngest person in the world. #mindblowing

Dodged the bullet A girl asked me today if she is wearing too much make-up. I told her my reply depends on whether or not she intends to kill Batman.

What do you call a group of Japanese people running up a hill? Tsunami Warning

A mother called the police on her 6 month old baby for not taking a nap. He was resisting a rest.

I work in a popular hotel… I see people come in to stay from all over the world, yet for some reason I’ve never seen a Native American here. I guess they just don’t like to make reservations.