Most people’s religion or faith has a switch which they can conveniently switch on and off whenever it suits them.

Person one: Do you know that joke about the no and the me neither? Person 2: No? Person 1: Me Neither. Person 1: You didnt get it? Person 2: No Person 1: Me neither

What’s the difference between Indiana and Reddit? In Reddit, you get served no matter who you are.

Never buying anything home-made on eBay again… I bought an ‘Irony Detector’ off of eBay, but it was broken. It detected everything *but* irony…

I saw my first porn yesterday I was so young back then….

Just realized I follow Barack Obama and he follows me back. Excuse me while I send the leader of the free world a DM about Harry Potter.

If women can do anything that men can do, then why haven’t they ever suppressed an entire gender before? Its a joke lady’s.

Why couldn’t the chameleon change colors? He had a reptile dysfunction.

What’s the difference between a plumber and a scientist? Pronounce this word: unionized

Was gonna go to the gym but then I checked Twitter. In 2009