I blame 2 of my 3 DUIs on Jesus because I specifically told him to take the wheel

Happy Greek Easter! Which Greek God loved to collect animals? Zoos

Why was the detective excited when he found a thimble sized crown? He was looking for Finger Prince. (Say it out loud if you don’t get it.)

What do you call a ghost with a broken leg? Hoblin Goblin.

Q: How do spies send secret messages in a forest? A: By moss code.

Just finished painting my bedroom in under ten minutes using vinyl Surely that’s some kind of record.

Why does Germany have so many different kinds of bread? Well, we had to do something with the ovens.

No thanks resolutions, if I wanted to be reminded of everything I didn’t follow through on at the end of the year, I’d get married again.

What happens when a Chinese man with a boner runs into a wall? He breaks his nose.

Tried to cash in on this kid joke thing. My daughter is a disappointment. Why did the skeleton cross the road? He didn’t because he doesn’t have skin and he just fell apart.