What do you call a tight asshole? a noose

How do you tell who the extroverted engineers are? They’re the ones who look at YOUR shoes when they talk to you.

Made a hiking playlist earlier called trail mix It has a lot of eminem in it

The last US election had a candidate called Mitt, a devout Catholic and a candidate called Newt, a serial adulterer. One was against same sex marriage and the other was against same marriage sex.

Any salad can be a Caesar salad if you stab it enough.

Of course he’s going to get re-elected, because once you go Black…

Did you know that men are more successful than women in committing suicides? Ladies, can you gals do anything right?

Funny that when a girl sleeps with a lot of guys she’s considered a slut … but when I do it I’m gay.

Another poor soul worked at a company making blankets. He lost his job when the company folded.

My weather forecast is always “room temperature.”