So, this baby seal walks into a club… [o(;_;)o](http://youtu.be/TK2TuqcNWPY?t=30s)

[describing a chair] it’s like a swing without all the drama

How do you spot a blind man at a nudist colony? It’s not hard.

In honour of Back To The Future, I just went back in time one hour. That’s the joke.

Toilet stolen from police station Cops have nothing to go on.

“This birthday cake certainly is crunchy.” “Maybe you should spit out the plate!”

What do you feed a disappearing cat? Evaporated milk

I only date right handed women… Righty tighty, lefty loosey

Ate a salad for lunch so basically I didn’t eat lunch.

Why does Dr. Pepper come in bottles? Because his wife is dead.