Thought I saw a walking burrito but it was just a pug in a raincoat.

Why do girls wear makeup and perfume? Because they are ugly and they smell.

If she’s naming your wedding album on facebook “wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!” she’s too young for you bro.

New low: Looking in my purse and seeing my TV remote.

One of my favourite things is Pork Souvlaki on a Pita But it’s hard to get the animal rights activists to stay still

I can’t believe you “accidentally” let it slip into her butt! Dick move, asshole.

What do vegetables watch when they’re horny? Corn

The phrase ‘lazy asshole’ is an oxymoron… Because an asshole gets shit done.

Instead of sending friends Christmas cards, is it ok If I return the ones I got and just add the words “Me too”?

What did the mermaid do last Saturday night? She went out with the tide.