Browsing this sub is like mining in a cave Full of bat shit and I mostly get the same things over again, but it’s worth the occasional gold I find.

what is the best way to smuggle drugs? In your dogs asshole. Should there be border control frisking, it will be perceived as two dogs plain wolfing

Person who fought in WWII hit with pepper spray… Now he is a seasoned veteran.

What job do rabbits at hotels have? Bellhop.

TIFU when I deleted my gym membership, hit my lawyer, & posted it to Facebook.

Could you kill a monster just by throwing eggs at him? Of course – he’d be eggs-terminated.

Sometimes I’ll start talking to someone on the train, then go “Oh, this is where I get off” then close my eyes & stick my hand in my pants.

Did you hear about the man who choked on an issue of The Guardian after learning about his brothers passing? He found the news hard to swallow.

What do you call an inspiring jerk session? A stroke of genius!

H: You look nice. Me: I’m meeting one of my Twitter friends today. H: So you want your picture on the evening news to be a nice one? Me: Yep