I think it is wrong that the Bali 9 get a one minute silence I mean, they already got a 21 gun salute.

Apparently when your boss asks if you’re on drugs “which drugs?” isn’t the appropriate response. I know this now.

What do you call a German with a bad attitude? A sour Kraut.

What do you call an african american in a 3 piece suit? The defendant.

Did you hear about the Pirate suffering from scurvy? His attempts to cure it were *fruitless*.

Hotel California is basically a negative Yelp review with a two minute guitar solo.

If you’re reading this you’re probably addicted to the internet. And by internet, I mean Facebook.

COP: PUT YOUR HANDS UP OCTOPUS: They’re tentacles COP: OK PUT ALL 8 TENTACLES UP OCTOPUS: Two are my legs, dude COP: Just go. I give up.

[Spelling Bee] -Your word is phlegm -Can you use it in a sentence? *loudly clears throat for 5 minutes*

Pork is awesome, but it’s best when used as a verb.