Why did the fish monger cross the road? Just for the halibut.

Happy fathers day… … you motherfucker

Why can’t the Americans play chess? Because they’re missing two towers.

Nobody in America dies as a virgin… because our government fucks us all.

Toddler misbehaves, but follows it up with throwing his hands in the air and yelling “Ta-da!” so he won’t get in trouble. Stealing it.

My penis is nicknamed “The Titanic”… “Because it’s so big?” “No,because it is a tragedy.”

I’m not saying Goldilocks was a piece of shit, but she broke into someone’s house and just started eating their breakfast.

How do you know you are at a gay picnic? The hotdogs taste like shit

So a seal Walks into a club.. *Rim shot*

I taught my parents something today… …I guess they learned from their mistake