My wife urged me to be more experimental in the bedroom, but I guess she wasn’t expecting I’d be dissecting so many white mice.

Libertarian Presidential Candidate’s new Campaign, inspired by Bernie Sanders. “Feel the Johnson”

Got disoriented and walked into the wrong classroom. Didn’t want to look stupid so I just went ahead and switched majors.

A sadist and a masochist meet The masochist starts pleading, “Hit me! Please hit me!” The sadist looks at him, smiles, and calmly replies, “No.”

Sex makes your day, but anal makes you hole weak..

What’s the difference between coriander and cumin? You can’t coriander your pants.

you knew the backstreet boys were actually friends because when the one boy asks if hes “sexual” the rest of the boys all agree that he is

I held up a fist for a CW to bump and she kissed my ring. I am now drunk on power and no one is allowed to make eye contact.

A Frenchman walks into a library and asks for a book on warfare. The librarian tells him he’ll only lose it.

Why does BuzzFeed skip every other number when counting? They literally can’t even.