I heard that Being the one to circumcise elephants doesn’t pay too well But the tips are huge!!

They say love is worth more than money. But I’m pretty sure my landlord is gona want more than a hug.

What do you call little kids in Belgium? Brusselsprouts

Starbucks really isn’t that expensive when compared to what Victoria’s Secret charges per cup

What did the hamburger say when it pleaded ‘not guilty’? I’ve been flamed!

Anyone got a 10 year old daughter I could introduce as mine? Stuck in an elaborate lie after putting my music on shuffle at a party.

I voted for Jill Stein Finally I’m part of the 1%

A mushroom walks into a bar The bartender says: “Get out of here! We don’t serve your kind here.” The mushroom says: “Why not man? I really am a FunGi.”

Fun typo: “You ate the most important thing in my life.”

“Some say I have a drinking problem” *pours glass of water on lap*