I always check my smoke alarms to make sure they’re working. I call it “cooking”

Putting a woman on a $10 makes sense . . . . . . no one really wants a 1 or a 5. (As heard on Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me)

Trump wants to appoint Ben Carson to the Department of Education, but I think he would do better in the FDA He can feed everyone with all of the grain in those pyramids.

What is the term for a group of Canadians? Is it “an apology”? “Oh look, there goes an apology of Canadians”

Osama Bn Laden Jokes in the title.

Ever since the news came out about Samsung…. Their phones have been blowing up.

Dog’s Facebook status: Tried to save the master from the vacuum cleaner today… He just yelled at me.

What do you call a relaxed redneck? A chillbilly.

“911, what’s your emergency?” Me: A cute guy at the laundromat walked past me while I was folding my period underwear.

Here’s two short jokes and a long joke: joke. joke. joooooooke.