“It’s 5 o’clock somewhere.” – a shitty watch.

Why did the vampire attack the clown? He wanted the circus to be in his blood.

I didn’t see mommy kiss Santa, but my sister saw her kiss the mailman, which explains why I’m the only one with brown eyes in the family

I hate how the losers of every election maintain such a high view of themselves… They’re conceded

The best thing about adolescent humor… is that it never gets old!

Did you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered!

Mom writes to her son in Poland’s army: “Dear Son, I am writing this letter ever so slowly….. ….because I know you cannot read fast”

Redditors don’t like this [Deleted]

This bank pen tastes like it’s been in a lot of other people’s mouths

I like my girlfriend’s new glow-in-the-dark braces… …her smile really lights up the room now.