Q: How many Kings of Spain does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Juan

They just found a Black guy hanging from a tree with 79 stab wounds in Alabama…. The police say it’s the worst case of suicide they’ve ever seen

Why is my Chinese girlfriend so bitchy? Well it’s true, you are what you eat.

My mom recently bought a Jesus shaped flashlight When I asked her why she said: So whenever someone says “I can’t see” I can be like “here, let Jesus light the path”

A Bug’s Mind What’s the last thing that goes through a bug’s mind when he crashes into a windshield? His asshole.

Is that mine? I was walking down the street when I saw black guy with a laptop. Is that mine? I thought. It looks exactly like mine… but that can’t be… Mine should be at home cleaning my shoes.

A Spanish magician announced that for his final trick, he would vanish into thin air. He counted down: uno, dos, then POOF! He was gone, without a tres.

I paid 10.50 for a movie ticket to watch Tom Cruise die continuously for 2 hours. I would have paid a hundred dollars to watch that.

Whilst at college I did experiment with marijuana. I did it in snow, I did it in sleet, but I did not in hail. ^– ^Ed ^Byrne

Do hamburgers make good vampires? No because they always find themselves in ghoulash situations!