A good rule of thumb is to never be in Liam Neeson’s movie family.

What have you done wrong if the wife keep complaining when you try to watch TV in the living room? You made the chain too long in the kitchen.

If you ever need help learning C++, I can give you some pointers. And you can keep me as a reference.

My bank account status is more scary than the Conjuring!

What does the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator? Shut the door im dressing

Why is it that the more numbers someone has in their e-mail address, the less I respect them?

I once bought an e. e. cummings poem collection.. It was the worst game of Mad Libs ever.

“You’re a unit of power Joe.” “I’m a Watt?”

What did the Mexican gang member say when two large houses fell on him during an earthquake? Get off me, homes.

My love for you is like a fart. Everything about it is powered by my heart.