My girlfriend is great in bed… But I don’t know how my best friend would know that.

What do gays and melons have in common? cantaloupe…

The hands that help others in need are holier than the lips that pray.

What happens when Turkeys get the common cold? They quit smoking.

How do they calculate global warming? Al-gore-ythms

What are the 3 stages of sex after marriage? Tri-weekly Try Weekly and Try Weakly

I don’t understand women. I also don’t understand how a car works but I still drive it.

Sorry, but breaking up with you on facebook was the best way of letting all your friends know I’m available.

Dear President Obama, I’ve got a joke for you… I texted it to Angela Merkel. Did you… *get it*?

My house is really small until I can’t find my phone.