What did the two tampons say to each other? Nothing, they’re both stuck-up cunts.

What do you call a three-humped camel? Pregnant (Told to me by one of the kids at work)

This doctor once told me eating a bagel was like eating 5 slices of bread and I was like ok, cool, I like bread

My ex-wife still misses me… But her aim is gettin better.

Why don’t most fans like the first 39 episodes of DBZ? Its pretty gay, just Saiyan.

I have a degree in men’s studies. It’s called “world history”. #TRUMP 2016! YOU CAN’T STUMP THE TRUMP!

Even after 20 years, Jared Fogle is still getting into smaller and smaller jeans.

Jenna Jameson to Oprah, “There’s a little bit of Jenna Jameson in everyone.” I’m pretty sure she got that backwards.

This may be not be a mainstream opinion, but I don’t believe you should cut down a Christmas tree unless you intend on eating it.

I just bought a very tiny amphibian for a pet. It’s my-newt!