Have you ever heard of the movie “Constipation”? No? Most likely because it never came out.

What’s the difference between a blonde and a washer? When you dump your load in a washer, it doesn’t follow you around for a week.

With Facebook, you can stay in touch with people you would otherwise never talk to, but that’s only one of the many awful things about it

I’ve struggled for years to be above the influence… But I’ve never been able to get that high

Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have a gun. Get in the van.

What’s the difference between a car tyre, and 365 condoms? One’s a Goodyear, an the other’s a great year.

Someone didnt click the button in /r/thebutton Yeah… Thats a good joke , he impossible!

Did you hear about the midget psychic who escaped from prison? He’s a small medium at large.

Coming on valentines day. Fifty shades of grey. There won’t be a dry seat in the cinema.

INTERVIEWER: Why do you want to work here? ME: *crumbs tumbling from my mouth* Oh, I don’t. I was just walking by and saw you had donuts.