when a cop pulls me over i tell him i’m a nihilist and i don’t believe in tickets or laws or authority. i do however now believe in tazers.

What do cats eat for breakfast? Mice Krispies.

I was at Ihop the other day… and there was a one-legged girl named Eileen working there.

[NSFW] How can you tell if your girlfriend is too young? You have to make aeroplane noises to get your cock in her mouth!

Being cross-eyed has made it difficult for me to stay in monogamous relationships Sometimes when I’m seeing a girl I can’t help but also see someone else on the side

Nomenclature is important when courting a lady. For example, “feminine scent” and “feminine odor” are perceived differently. You’re welcome.

What kind of shoes do pedophiles wear? White vans

Recently had a cat-scan. They didn’t find any cats.

Did you hear the one about the JRPG character who named his daughter Dot? He called for her three times, but she she still didn’t answer. …

I went into the changing room in a clothing store several times… But it stayed the same.