I absolutely, unequivocally support any and all scientific efforts to create a real, working invisibility cloak. I just want to make myself crystal clear.

About tasty steaks. You knowing the art of making a steak is a rare medium well done.

If it’s true that we are here on earth to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

Make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you’re doing it.

I once dated a girl who told me she had had sex with Mr. Peanut. She was fucking nuts.

The first person who started winking at others was probably the creepiest human ever.

Did you hear about the Furry who started frequenting SomethingAwful? Hare today, Goon tomorrow!

A guy went to the doctor for his annual physical… Doctor says to him “you need to stop masturbating.” Man says, “but why doc!?” Doctor says, “Because I’m trying to give you an examination.”

There’s a TV channel where you can buy all the Pope’s speeches It’s called “Papal View”.

Don’t be that guy that tells people not to be that guy.