A man walks into a bar.. A man walks into a bar and says “ouch”

Family tree Your family tree is a cactus, because everyone on it is a prick.

What’s the difference between a Scottish guy and Mick Jagger? One says “Hey, you, get off of my cloud!” The other says “Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe!”

Whenever someone says, “that’s what she said”, I like to reply with, “not to you”

What did the salad wearing a tuxedo say? “I feel a bit overdressed.”

What did the horse say when he fell over? “Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy up.”

NSFW What’s the hardest part of being a pedophile? It’s hard to fit in

Blood is thicker than water but maple syrup is thicker than blood so technically pancakes are more important than family

“I feel like the fat kid in gym class on dodgeball day” – The End Piece of Bread

if you ever wanna impress a girl just bring a baby on your date and then basically just outperform the baby at everything it’s really easy