What do you get when you cross a lesbian with a hippopotamus? A lickalottapuss.

Her: Give me a chat up line? Me: Uh ok, are you a zookeeper? Her: *laughs* Because I’m so captivating? Me: No, you smell like an animal.

Woman 1 – Your husband now comes home early. How has this happened? Woman 2 – I’ve simply told him sex will start exactly at 9 PM, with or without him.

“Do you love me, Mulla?” whispered the girl. “Of course I do,” Mulla Nasrudin whispered back. “Will you marry me then?” she asked. “Let’s not change the subject?” said Nasrudin.

I have a really good relatipnship with the elevator operator. We speak to eachother on so many different levels.

After reading your recent updates, I’m surprised that Facebook hasn’t yet asked you, “Whatever’s on your mind, could you keep it to yourself?”

Halo? more like….. GAYLO!!!!!!!

Did you hear about the fire at the circus? It was *in tents.*

[JanSport keynote address] (audience grumbling) “where is he?” *CEO emerges from backpack on stage* *crowd goes nuts*

For some reason the Pope didn’t… sponsor my program for terminally ill Chinese children. He said he didn’t like the name – What’s wrong with “Youth in Asia”???