Where do atheists donate their money? Non Prophet Organizations

What is a nitrate? It is much cheaper than a day rate.

Me: Can you believe that after all that crap they’re still together!?! Friend: Who ? Me: My butt-cheeks

Did you hear about the vegan what converted their car to run run on herbs? They wanted to thyme travel!

I am a recovering redneck. It’s been three weeks since I dry humped a cousin.

Did I tell you about my old girl friend with only one leg? Unfortunately we broke up. Turns out she leans both ways.

Dr. Seuss would have CRUSHED it on 8 Mile.

I just saw a guy with no legs. I told him all about my recent stubbed toe. I hope it made him feel better about the whole no legs thing.

I owe my life to Nickelback I got in a horrible car crash and was in 6 month coma. Then the nurse switched the song to Nickelback. I woke up and muted it.

Date tip: buy a calendar