Throw shit at a person, you are their enemy. Throw shit at a plant, you are their hero. source: r/Showerthoughts/

lovely joke Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things. Boy: What are the two things? Girl: Your feet.

What did OJ say to Nicole just before he killed her? *Your waiter will be with you in a moment, ma’am*. (was reading an OJ post in another sub and remembered this one.)

What is the hardest part of rollerblading? Telling your parents that you are gay.

Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put in the wrong pair of socks this morning.

What do you call an Asian woman with a leg shorter than the other? Irene

What happened when Hitler lost his glasses? He could Nazi.

A Gnome and A Reindeer take a picture together What is it called when a gnome and a reindeer take an instant picture of themselves – A S-ELF-IE POLE-ROID

My dick was in the Guinness Book of Records! …but then I got kicked out of the library.

Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces.. For example, I’m going to the liquor store and I’m scared that it’s closed.