How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One to screw in the light bulb, two to make a documentary about it.

Wow, it’s a beautiful day outside. I should probably do something. *closes the blinds so there isn’t a glare on my screen* ~ Developers

Why was the bodybuilder arrested at the elementary school? Because it was a gun-free zone

“Can I get 2 boxes of Sudafed?” “Sorry, by law you can only buy one at a time.” “Okay then just the one box of Sudafed and these 7 guns.”

Home is anyplace where you don’t have to wear pants.

A kiss makes my day. Anal makes my whole week.

I like my women like I like my coffee… Silent.

Why cant billy ride the swings? he has no arms. knock knock. Whos there? Not billy

When i was young my mom used to put food on the spoon.. and sing “train is coming, train is coming”… I’d always eat cause i knew if i didn’t, she wouldn’t untie me from the railway line.

Nothing makes me more proud of my son’s sense of humor, than when he asks me for help with his algebra homework.