Why did the guy have Ben Franklin tattooed on his dick? His girlfriend was great at blowing 100 bucks.

Yeah, so, I don’t usually argue with people who I can remove from my life by pressing a button…..

Apparently there was a mass shooting at the Gap. There were a lot of casual tees.

Here comes my big moment… MOMENT.

Two muffins are in a oven… the first muffin says, “damn it’s hot in here.”, the second one says, “holy crap a talking muffin!”

The time machine of tomorrow. Today.

Why is “Z” afraid of all of the other letters? Because they’re Not-Z’s (*Nazis*)

I like my Thanksgiving turkey like I like my own ass On the dining room table, with my family gathered round, and with my grandmum’s fists in it pulling out the stuffing.

Harry Potter can’t tell the difference between a cooking pot and his best mate. They’re both cauldron.

How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for fresh prints.