The best time to reexamine your life is when you find yourself reluctantly nodding to the questions asked at the start of an infomercial.

What do you call an alien starship that drips water? A crying saucer.

Why is it easy for gays to escape a fire? Because their shit is already packed.

What were people doing during the last ice age? Chillin.

Everybody on Earth must be ”literate”… because nobody ever uses the trash cans anymore :/

I went to the Reddit tennis tournament. All the servers were busy.

Being on twitter has made my spelling, grammar and vocabulary so much gooder.

How is an elephant like a wristwatch? They both come in quartz.

Where does a redditor’s slutty girlfriend hide her other boyfriend? Idaho.

Organised a threesome last night There were a couple of no shows, but I still had a good time.