Why should one masturbate while calling Comcast customer support? Because getting fucked in the asshole when you are not horny feels awful

A black guy walks into a police station.

How do you make a baby drink? You stick it in a blender.

How many optometrists does it take to change a lightbulb? 1 or 2. Now 1… or 2.

A quick joke that my friend thought up over dinner Why do sailors marry busty women? To forever see the seven C’s

How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh? Tentickles

Just been offered 8 legs of venison for $40 Is that too dear?

According to Einstein’s theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

Scientists say Spider-Man would not be able to climb vertical surfaces due to his size. It’s almost like someone made the whole thing up.

“OOOOOH an email!” – me, every single fucking time I email myself