Why don’t OSHA inspectors watch porn? It’s Not Safe For Work.

I start every argument off with “first of all…” like I’m really going to school them, but my second point is always just name calling.

My grandma married 2 men named Grover. I think she just had a thing for the name Grover, because she also married 2 women named Grover

I wanted to buy a patriotic decoration on my trip to China… but I worried the US customs officer would see it as a red flag.

I used to be in a band, we were called ‘lost dog’. You probably saw our posters.

How do you move a 2000 lb dinosaur? Don’t know?? Use DINO-MITE

If you watch the Game of Thrones backwards a family overcomes near death experiences to reunite happily in a castle (plus dragons shrink).

Sure, Sally, I’ll just buy one of your shells BY THE SEA SHORE. Oh, wait, here’s one just laying here, you skank.

C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar. The bartender shows them the door and says, “Sorry, we don’t serve minors.”

What is heavy forwards but not backwards? A ton.