Why did the cab driver did not get time for his family? Because he was Uber busy.

Buddhist Pizza What kind of pizza does Buddha like? One with everything.

Me: this is bullshit. conditioner and shampoo in one? impossible Walmart employee who I have in a headlock: sir I didn’t make the shampoo

A new version of clue is coming out this year It’s called Flint River Clue. The only weapon is a lead pipe.

What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno business 😀 Edit: Sorry, I’m not sorry

Black men should stop having sex with black hookers That’s black on black crime

“Can I see your ID?” Sure, it’s… *lowers sunglasses* *raises them* *lowers them again* “What are you doing?” I don’t know.

Do you know why W. S. Gilbert was frequently drunk on his Trans-Atlantic crossings? Because he was quartered on the port side.

Found my son and his girlfriend naked in his room. And I was like “*Sex-education* is so advanced now that they also give homework!”

What country does fried fish swim in? Greece! (courtesy of my ten year old)