“I’d like to raise a toast.” *Cradles bread in arms, accepting this step into motherhood*

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one, Kim Jong has a short one, Mickey Mouse’s isn’t human, the Pope doesn’t use his, and Cher doesn’t have one. What is it? Last Names

Hellen of troy, the face that launched a thousand ships… …And the ass that docked them.

What did one pancake say to the others as it was tossed off the griddle into the air? See you on the flip side.

You know what really gets my goat? The Chupacabra.

What’s the fastest way to become a general in the Rebel Alliance? Leia Princess!

The tattoos in your shirtless avi say ‘bad boy’; the flowered wallpaper behind you scream ‘living in mom’s sewing room’.

What do black guys have that’s longer than most white men’s and gets even bigger when they touch a woman? Their criminal record.

What’s the difference between a politician and a catfish? One’s a bottom-dwelling, muck-sucker and the other is a fish.

Maths Teacher Was Teaching Mathematical Conversions…. Teacher-If 1000 Kgs= Ton. Then! For 3000 Kgs =How Much? Student – Ton!Ton!Ton!