A guy got hit by a car in his left side. He’s all right now.

I see you have some graph paper. You must be plotting something.

Yesterday while I was talking with my girlfriend about Ebola, I asked her what she would do if I had Ebola… “Ebola what, Cheerios?” Best joke she’s ever told

Never argue with an Archeologist Theyll just keep digging up the past

Date etiquette: The smaller fork is a salad fork. Use the larger fork to eat the salad fork.

People think it’s great if you like kids but will freak out if you assign an age. I like 10 year olds. See? Creepy. I’ll wait in the van.

“WHAT DO WE WANT?” “Hearing aids.” “WHEN DO WE WANT THEM?” “Hearing aids.”

How do black people get to Hogwarts ? They go through wall 9 3/5

Terrible music pun If a person were to have sex with Andrew Stockdale, would that make them a wolf, motherfucker?

My son just referred to a beaver as a “wood-eater”. So I mulled it over in my mind for a bit and it would seem he’s correct on two levels.