A girls diet always starts tomorrow…

Two condoms walk past a gay bar. Two condoms walk past a gay bar, one turns to the other and says, “Hey, wanna go get…shitfaced?”

What did man create that inevitably destroyed man itself? Reddit

Authorized, Bona Fide, Established… those are some Legit synonyms.

I don’t have an attitude; I have a personality you can’t handle.

I got fired from my job at the restaurant for putting a load in the dishwasher… she was cute.

I think dinosaurs didn’t get hit by a meteor they just all committed suicide because they didn’t have internet

Did you hear about the reverse exorcism? The devil was trying to get the priest out of the little boy!

Death by chickpea… What do you call it when a chickpea smashes another one to death? Hummuscide Thanks, I’m out.

I recently got a tattoo with Chinese symbols that reads, “I don’t know. I don’t speak Chinese.” Then when people ask me what it means…