The gym got a new machine recently, it does everything! Snickers, twix, Mccoys, pepsi….

Yo mama is so fat that… The recursive function used to calculate her mass causes a stack overflow.

Having kids is a little like when the free sample lady tries to tell you all about the cheese & you pretend to be interested while you eat.

What do you call a sleeping police officer? An undercover cop.

Knock knock… Who’s there? Ah. Ah who? WEREWOLVES OF LONDON

Have you heard about Karma, the new restaurant? There’s no menu. You just get what you deserve.

Why has there never been an Asian president? Because they are taken to the hospital if the election lasts more than 4 hours

*gives you the finger*gives you the spleen*gives you the bones*gives you all the other parts* Now build me a girlfriend like you promised.

Why didn’t the internit get any e-mail? Because his e-dog kept chasing the e-postman.

What does a 90 year old’s pussy taste like? Depends.