What did the Cryptologist have for breakfast? Hash with alot of Salt

Clean and jerk is a weight lifting term? Oh… *Tosses tissues in the trash*

Whats the difference between a Pizza and Jew? A pizza doesn’t scream in the oven

Why did the Pepsi executive get fired? He tested positive for Coke.

Medusa was the hottest woman ever. Every man who looked at her got rock hard.

I saved a bunch on my car insurance by making the switch.. To reverse and driving away from the accident

Your garbage disposal eats better than most of the world.

*phone rings* SATAN: Hey I bought your soul on Craigslist last week? ME: No returns SATAN: Please. It’s making me sad

Why are people so sad in Ferguson? Because they live in misery

What football position did the forever alone play? Left Out