There are 2 types of people in this world: Those who pee in the shower… And stinkin’ LIARS!

I went into a pesticide shop and asked the owner if he had anything for flies. Stupid idiot shat in my hand.

So an ogre walks into a club…

What did the vampire call his false teeth? A new fangled device.

Donald Trump wants to ban shredded cheese… He wants to make America grate again

Are you ready, kids?! ARE YOU READY FOR THIS SUNDAY NIGHT WHEN THE CHAMPION JOHN CENA DEFENDS HIS TITLE IN THE SUPER SLAMMMMMMMMMM? DUBYA DUBYA EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

What’s a necrophiliac’s favorite band? Coldplay.

Five Secrets of Successful People: 1. Don’t 2. Tell 3. Anyone 4. Your 5. Secrets

My top 5 yoga positions 5 Napping Warrior 4 Downward Spiral 3 Crying Plank 2 Farting Tree 1 Drunk Hasselhoff

To err is human To arrrgh is pirate