What’s the difference between a group of pigmies and a lesbian track team? One of them is a bunch of cunning runts

Q: Why did the engineer drive the backwards? A: He had a loco motive.

[begin metajoke] What did the drunk Chinese customer say to the bartender? No have to cut me off. Fall off barstool by myself. [end metajoke]

A blonde a brunette and Ellen Pao walk into a bar… This content has been censored by Ellen Pao because it was harassing her personal interests

Being in a nudist colony probably takes all the fun out of Halloween.

I found a new way of making popcorn… just give an ear a baby

Did you know: the human body is 60% water, 20% hair, 34% rope, 9% tubes, 12% earrings, 99% eyes, 13% jubjubs, 6% dingdongs, 100% crannies

Sending 17 text messages explaining why you’re not crazy seems a little counterintuitive.

I love women so much that.. If I were a woman I’d be lesbian.

Friend: [showing baby photos] Me: Ah yes, very baby