I had a dog that always used to chase people on motorcycles In the end I had to take the keys off him

Mugger: Gimme yer wallet & don’t do nuthin dumb Me: That’s a double negative, my friend. Unlike Romance languages, English – hey, come back

Having sex with you is like playing hide and seek After the first 60 seconds you yell “ready or not, here I come!”

I put a huge brown paper bag over this keg. So people won’t know I’m drinking at work.

Did you hear about the woman with 12 breasts? Sounds crazy, dozen tit?

What do you call a black pilot? A pilot, you racist!

Umm..I don’t want to be “that inmate,” but could you tell the chef that this needs more salt.

I moved to LA with nothing but the shirt on my back. No pants & I couldn’t figure out how to get the shirt on my front. Soon I was jailed

A homeless man told me to get home safely I smiled and said, “You too!”

What do you call a gay Eskimo? A snowblower.